4 Page Letter.

Can you believe there are only eight more days until the end of the year? I remember where i was and what i was doing this time last year.

I wrote a 4 page letter today and no it wasn't enclosed with a kiss. ;-). There are reoccurring themes that i'm still learning about myself as if i've never heard of them before. The bible says, life and death is in the power of the tongue. I should watch what i say carefully to others. But i don't. Why? I don't know. I'm so quick to tell someone about themselves that i don't ever take a step back to think of how the person may end up receiving it. I might be saying it out of love and they might be taking it as rude and aggressive. I mean well. I promise i do. I promise to pray on it and also do the work in turn see the change in myself. I'm realizing that it isn't a good trait to not communicate with the ones you love and who care about you. I find myself saying i'm misunderstood and am realizing that maybe i truly am misunderstood because i don't communicate and tend to shut the ones who care about me out.

I just want God to have his way with my words, my thoughts, my emotions, MY LIFE.

Goodbye 2013! I welcome you 2014 --please be good to me.


Signing off for the last time this year,

Poise and Purpose. 

I AM.

...

Rude.
Full of attitude.
Mean.
A bitch.
Blunt.
Sensitive.
Bold.
Proud.
Cautious.
Resistant.
Unapologetic.
A friend.
A sister.
An adviser.
A confidant.
A dancing machine.
Funny.
A writer.
Loved.
Forgiven.
Sorry.

Put me back together and mend my heart

This was once me.

Such deep words from someone hoping to break out of the bondage of dispair and hurt.

Be healed my sister. God has and will always have you. He gives you peace of mind and mends the broken pieces of your heart.

What is love?

The idea of someone blatantly telling you that they want to be with you -in all aspects of what BEING with someone entails -is kind of scary, especially if you're not on the same page. Today, i feel like a let my friend down. He poured out his feelings to me and all i could say to him was that the time had come and gone and i no longer feel "in like" with me as he does for me. This is the first time that a man has ever been this transparent with me. And i think back to all the other times i was on the reverse side pouring my feelings out and the person not entertaining it at all.

What is love?

Where/when is my love coming?

I refuse to settle with the person who is admitting their love for me when i don't feel the same.

I will wait for you.

Whoever you may be, i will wait.

I've spent time thinking and asking about the new friends that i've yet to meet and completely forgot about the great and amazing friends that i do have now. I just had one of the greatest conversations of the year and it left me excited and hopeful for my dear friend. He is truly amazing and i'm so glad that i'm here to experience his journey. I don't talk to a few of my really close friends often but having our chat today made me so happy to see how God is moving in the lives of my friend. God you are good. And i am thankful to have an entrepreneur as a best friend who is always evolving and does what he says. "I am not one to talk just for the sake of talking." Speak with a purpose and it will come into existence.

You're the best, best.

pandp

Up-all-night

I literally spent all of last night and early this morning talking to someone that i haven't known for a long (only a week) but who i call a friend. We joke about how so much can change within a week, and it is true, so much has changed. It is utterly liberating and almost gratifying to have someone to talk to and know that the person on the receiving end isn't judging you but is instead rooting for you to be an overcomer and victorious.

And then i wonder why i was never able to build such relationships as this one with my new friend with the friendships i've had/held on to for many years. That's when it hits me, every person who comes into your life, whether a friend or stranger, comes to play a purpose. The purpose may not be revealed right away and may even take years but you need all of these people in your life to help strengthen you as you proceed to your calling. Jesus knew all along that Judas was going to betray him and he still kept him around. If it wasn't for the betrayal then Jesus would have not been captured at that moment and died on the cross only to resurrect three days later.

Thank you, friend.

Song of the week: All Consuming Fire

Spirit of Discernment

I have spent the past two years sharpening my spirit of discernment. I just got off the phone with a relative and she mentioned that i'm now able to discern intelligently and dutifully because of the time i've spent in church. We agreed to disagree and i explained to her that i've always had the gift of discernment since i was a child but because i was so young and unable to appreciate and understand my gifting, i nurtured it and kept my observations to myself. It wasn't until two years ago that God began a newer work in me to where i was able to be a light in my discerning. And i'm still growing. I continue to "develop an above average knowledge of the Bible; seek confirmation and evaluation of others; and maintain a spirit of openness to new insight; new discoveries."


p&P

Oh man

I knew from the first of the year that God was doing a new work in me. He was breaking down walls and barriers in my life. I accepted it and welcomed this change. We're now in April and i have seen what God is doing in me. He has given me the vision to write and share my story. He is working with me to break the wall down that i have built up to harbor my thoughts and feelings. He is allowing me to speak freely of things that i was once ashamed of. Most importantly, he is giving me a chance to tell my testimony by way of a book. I see now that i am also being tested when it comes to conversing with new friends. God is like, are you going to revert back into your box or use the opening that i have created and break free and be You again? I am being me, AGAIN!


God is great!

New Beginnings

I'm in such a great and happy place this month of March. I've been in such a happy and thankful season since the first of the year. I know that it will continue on during the rest of the year and will end great. Ose o Jesu

There are many things that i want but are out of my control so i'm left to be patient. I'll tell you this, having patience is teaching me growth. 

If i could have everything, i put it on everything, that it would be You - Trey Songz

Feelings are for the birds

Well, i guess i'm a bird right now...

Why isn't it easy for people to speak on how they truly feel (myself included)?

Now  playing: Drake - Trust Issues

I've been so used to certain things than when change is in front of me i become a skeptic. I start to wonder how real is the change and how long will it last. Is it temporary or permanent? I become fixated on trying to figure out what is really happening? Once i find out that the change is real and here to stay, that's when i start to slowly put my wall down. Cus you know, there's no point in my letting my wall down for change that isn't here to stay.

I'm very well reserved. I like to read and study people. I'll study you well enough to the point where i know whether or not i can trust you. If i can't trust you i'll keep you close and never share any intimate stories with you. If i do trust you, i'll tell you everything...in due time.

Be patient with me.

When i look into your eyes i see:

hope
a future
love
happiness
kindness
peace
security
will
power
sincerety
excitement
warmth
eternity

A million words between us will never be enough. I don't want to rush what we have because i don't want to run out of time. But if time does run out, I'll breathe you in and hold you in forever. I hope you'll still look at me and feel the same way about me a year from now, three years from now, four kids from now, and forevermore. I pray we never run out of time.

I'll keep you young at heart while we become old lovers together.

This one is for you...

How is it so that you can tell how much love and care a person has for you just by staring into their eyes? Is it fair that I know what's in front of me is a good thing. How do i know i'm not just enjoying this new thing momentarily? And then what?

With my flaws and all you still call me beautiful.

I've never had anyone tell me repeatedly how beautiful i am [expect my mother] and mean it.
I've never had anyone long for me without first meeting my acquaintance.

All of the things i don't yet know about you, i'm intrigued to learn.

I want to become you. I want to be able to read your face and know when something is the matter before you even open your mouth to speak. I want to be your best friend.

You've known me longer than i've known you. You refer to me in your future as "we" and i know that you mean it.

Thank you for making me feel the way you're making me feel.

Thank you for being sincere.

I think you're beautiful too.

I like it.

I love it.

I'll support you. I'll turn your frowns to smiles. I'll care for you. I'll dance for you. I'll love you. Forever.

You're Beautiful

It's true.

Reay For Love

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can

I am ready for love
Here with an offering of
My voice
My Eyes
My soul
My mind

Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love

I am ready