Lost Boy

Got a phone call from a lost soul today.
He was trying to find his way back home.
Feeling anew I don't think he got that he was unwanted.

Oh lost soul, how did you find me this time?
I was just getting used to your existence being no longer in a mind so weary from hurt and pain
Go back to where you came from boy, go back and make peace with yourself.
Because your inner self is who i longed for and you fell short of giving that

I wanted you to meet me half way
Didn't want you to become my everything because my everything rests in a higher power
I wanted you to be my better half, understanding, loyal, and trustworthy

I hope you find yourself
Find yourself
Find yourself

....

John Legend - Again

Lauryn Hill
John Legend
India Arie
Dwele
Anthony Hamilton
M'shelle
John Mayer
just to name a few... <3

Shame

And for some reason i can't help but think that this is what you secretly wanted to happen. For me to be down and out like you were. And just as you put the blame on me, i'm putting it right back on you. I know that i shouldn't though because i allowed this to happen. I'm only looking forward to bouncing back and putting all of this behind me and focusing on the present. Man you really screwed me over!!!

07/16/2010

I won't forget you.


Day 5



this is going to be a very ardous time for me.
be strong

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

p.s

Happy birthday CC

Haven't forgotten about you. Trisha and I share some of the fondest memories of you and we laugh every time we reminisce.

Liberation

Today i did something i haven't done in a year. Today i did something and i feel darn good about it. Today i told the truth (not that i'm a liar), but in the past year when i've been asked how it is i'm doing, i always gave them the answer they wanted to hear, which was 'i'm fine.' Today, i not only filled someone in on what i've been afraid to say, but i realized that it made me feel so much better than i've felt in the last couple months. Today i wish to no longer be put down, today i will do whatever it takes to protect and take care of myself. Today i can hear my mind again, i can hear my mind telling me that i should've done this a long time a go. Today i consider myself free.

And now i dedicate this song and many more to myself, Destiny's Child - Free


I love me
I've always loved me
My love was just blindsided by the one i had building for someone else
I lost sight of ME trying to do you
But now i have forevermore to do me and smile while doing it as i am while typing this


Two things i always have in the midst of whatever is going on in my life, good or bad: Poise and Purpose.

My mother would be proud of me if she was to hear my story

....i hope this feeling isn't temporary because i need it for all the days of my life.


xoxo Bella Maxine