4 Page Letter.

Can you believe there are only eight more days until the end of the year? I remember where i was and what i was doing this time last year.

I wrote a 4 page letter today and no it wasn't enclosed with a kiss. ;-). There are reoccurring themes that i'm still learning about myself as if i've never heard of them before. The bible says, life and death is in the power of the tongue. I should watch what i say carefully to others. But i don't. Why? I don't know. I'm so quick to tell someone about themselves that i don't ever take a step back to think of how the person may end up receiving it. I might be saying it out of love and they might be taking it as rude and aggressive. I mean well. I promise i do. I promise to pray on it and also do the work in turn see the change in myself. I'm realizing that it isn't a good trait to not communicate with the ones you love and who care about you. I find myself saying i'm misunderstood and am realizing that maybe i truly am misunderstood because i don't communicate and tend to shut the ones who care about me out.

I just want God to have his way with my words, my thoughts, my emotions, MY LIFE.

Goodbye 2013! I welcome you 2014 --please be good to me.


Signing off for the last time this year,

Poise and Purpose. 

I AM.

...

Rude.
Full of attitude.
Mean.
A bitch.
Blunt.
Sensitive.
Bold.
Proud.
Cautious.
Resistant.
Unapologetic.
A friend.
A sister.
An adviser.
A confidant.
A dancing machine.
Funny.
A writer.
Loved.
Forgiven.
Sorry.

Put me back together and mend my heart

This was once me.

Such deep words from someone hoping to break out of the bondage of dispair and hurt.

Be healed my sister. God has and will always have you. He gives you peace of mind and mends the broken pieces of your heart.

What is love?

The idea of someone blatantly telling you that they want to be with you -in all aspects of what BEING with someone entails -is kind of scary, especially if you're not on the same page. Today, i feel like a let my friend down. He poured out his feelings to me and all i could say to him was that the time had come and gone and i no longer feel "in like" with me as he does for me. This is the first time that a man has ever been this transparent with me. And i think back to all the other times i was on the reverse side pouring my feelings out and the person not entertaining it at all.

What is love?

Where/when is my love coming?

I refuse to settle with the person who is admitting their love for me when i don't feel the same.

I will wait for you.

Whoever you may be, i will wait.

I've spent time thinking and asking about the new friends that i've yet to meet and completely forgot about the great and amazing friends that i do have now. I just had one of the greatest conversations of the year and it left me excited and hopeful for my dear friend. He is truly amazing and i'm so glad that i'm here to experience his journey. I don't talk to a few of my really close friends often but having our chat today made me so happy to see how God is moving in the lives of my friend. God you are good. And i am thankful to have an entrepreneur as a best friend who is always evolving and does what he says. "I am not one to talk just for the sake of talking." Speak with a purpose and it will come into existence.

You're the best, best.

pandp

Up-all-night

I literally spent all of last night and early this morning talking to someone that i haven't known for a long (only a week) but who i call a friend. We joke about how so much can change within a week, and it is true, so much has changed. It is utterly liberating and almost gratifying to have someone to talk to and know that the person on the receiving end isn't judging you but is instead rooting for you to be an overcomer and victorious.

And then i wonder why i was never able to build such relationships as this one with my new friend with the friendships i've had/held on to for many years. That's when it hits me, every person who comes into your life, whether a friend or stranger, comes to play a purpose. The purpose may not be revealed right away and may even take years but you need all of these people in your life to help strengthen you as you proceed to your calling. Jesus knew all along that Judas was going to betray him and he still kept him around. If it wasn't for the betrayal then Jesus would have not been captured at that moment and died on the cross only to resurrect three days later.

Thank you, friend.

Song of the week: All Consuming Fire

Spirit of Discernment

I have spent the past two years sharpening my spirit of discernment. I just got off the phone with a relative and she mentioned that i'm now able to discern intelligently and dutifully because of the time i've spent in church. We agreed to disagree and i explained to her that i've always had the gift of discernment since i was a child but because i was so young and unable to appreciate and understand my gifting, i nurtured it and kept my observations to myself. It wasn't until two years ago that God began a newer work in me to where i was able to be a light in my discerning. And i'm still growing. I continue to "develop an above average knowledge of the Bible; seek confirmation and evaluation of others; and maintain a spirit of openness to new insight; new discoveries."


p&P